HoldingBack: How Can I Open Myself Up for Serving as an Elder More?

HoldingBack wrote [August 14, 2017, 9:33 AM]:

Something's been on my mind, unresolved, for about 10 years. Truth is, I love the truth, but I've been holding back from giving Jehovah my all. What I mean is, that I can open myself up for serving as an elder more than I have.

I really want to. But I fear being disappointed like some have in the past, and getting discouraged. You know? Some brothers, like a long time elder in my hall, just stopped one day. He disappeared for several months, and came back later on. He's doing fine now, but has no desire to really resume his service.

I just want some help in getting over that feeling. I cannot seem to truly get over it. Some weeks I am fine, others, this creeps up, man, and I hate it.

JW Advisor: The key is to stop thinking about the negativity. You are not them. Elders are just members who have stepped into a position to help the congregation.

In that position, you can come across many issues unique to being an elder. But a few of the biggest issues will be strong personalities that may seem to make it hard to get something done. Another is that you yourself might try insisting on certain things and find yourself marginalized. And then the Roberts Rules of Order (RRO) may make progress slow in your eyes. And finally, seeing the decision-making and policies at work might make you uncomfortable at times. You might even find yourself afraid of speaking up for fear of ostricism or fear of being seen as a trouble-maker.

Those are all common complaints in the RRO meeting format in all meeting rooms. So just expect things like that, recognizing that it is just a matter of dealing with flawed people in a flawed process and that you yourself are flawed.

But the way past the fear is to calculate whether you have the time to do it, then just put your hat in the ring without thinking about it. Just switch your brain off when it would stop you from doing what you feel you need to do and then do it.

Do not calculate anything non-essential into your time considerations. Personal pursuits are not so important as serving as an elder. The organization needs all the elders it can get. [August 4, 2017, 10:09 AM]

HoldingBack wrote [August 14, 2017, 10:23 PM]:

You know what that's a good point. My wife and I have had discussions about me serving as such. She is in full support, and I do think I have the time, and I have the desire. I do want to help the organization. That's all I really want to do. I've had the desire since I was old enough to read. It's been a long time.

Since you put it like that, I think it's really the fear of imperfection dealing with imperfect people in an imperfect system. I really haven't prayed to Jehovah about it, in deep detail like that. 

This has given me something to think about, and pray about. You're right, I am not them. And I don't need to be thinking about them in that fashion.

You know something? I guess that helps governing body members to get through their responsibilities. I cannot imagine all the stuff that may cross their plate on a Wednesday when they meet.

JW Advisor: The key to patience in those situations is to remain detatched during any decision-making process or any situation that is potentially volatile. I make myself into the one rising above it, but more as the impartial arbiter with no horse in the race, as they say. That puts me in the frame of mind to ask the right questions and guide the discussion toward a conclusion that all can live with.

If a challenge or insult occurs, I recognize that they don't mean it and carry on as if it was not even said. That generally causes the person to think about what they said, letting the silence flog them, so-to-speak, but not in a way that embarasses them any more than they may already be embarassed by it. It is important to help them keep as much of their dignity as they can salvage out of love. [August 14, 2017, 10:40 PM]

HoldingBack wrote [August 14, 2017, 10:43 PM]

Yeah. Perhaps taking things personal can have a negative effect. The point you made about "strong personalities" had me thinking. It's entirely possible to detach ourselves in the sense too, that we recognize why we are here. For example, we have office meetings about how we are going to handle issues, and realizing that a suggestion is best for everyone, and not me only, can help deal with that.

This was a very encouraging discussion. Thank you for your [] suggestions bro. . . . What I need to do now today is make sure i pray about it, in detail, and accept the help that I'm given.

JW Advisor: We're glad to help. [August 14, 2017, 10:45 PM]