ConcernForYouths: How Can I Help Young Ones Stay Faithful?

ConcernForYouths wrote [August 11, 2016 at 3:47 am]:

I've been disappointed by the fact that young ones aren't taking Jehovah seriously. Leaving, dating way too young. I feel Jehovah needs students, researchers, and staying close to the more mature older ones within the congregation, I've thought about it and the only thing I can come up with as for right now is embrace them and seek them OUT! Like actually making planned visits, on a regular bases. What are your thoughts? Scriptural?

JW Advisor: I find it necessary to speak to you about each of our own responsibilities toward those who are lacking faith. Your daily Bible reading is the best place to find what you are looking for. The faithful slave has been discretely teaching all of us to use the Scriptures to help us to make wise decisions.

In this particular matter, Paul's letter to the Romans had some very wise counsel for those of us who are strong in faith. He wrote:

We, though, who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those not strong, and not to be pleasing ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. For even the Christ did not please himself, but just as it is written: “The reproaches of those reproaching you have fallen upon me.” For all the things that were written beforehand were written for our instruction, so that through our endurance and through the comfort from the Scriptures we might have hope. Now may the God who supplies endurance and comfort grant you to have among yourselves the same mental attitude that Christ Jesus had, so that unitedly you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

So welcome one another, just as the Christ also welcomed you, with glory to God in view. For I tell you that Christ became a minister of those who are circumcised in behalf of God’s truthfulness, so as to verify the promises He made to their forefathers, and that the nations might glorify God for his mercy. Just as it is written: "That is why I will openly acknowledge you among the nations, and to your name I will sing praises." And again he says: "Be glad, you nations, with his people." And again: "Praise Jehovah, all you nations, and let all the peoples praise him." And again Isaiah says: "There will be the root of Jesse, the one arising to rule nations; on him nations will rest their hope." May the God who gives hope fill you with all joy and peace by your trusting in him, so that you may abound in hope with power of holy spirit. (Romans 15:1-13)

So, by our strong faith, it is indeed our responsibility to look after those who have weaknesses in their faith. In so doing, we are not trying to please ourselves, to make ourselves feel better. But we should do it to please our neighbors, especially those related to us in the faith. (Galatians 6:10) For what purpose? "To build him up." He shows us our exemplar, Jesus Christ, saying that he did not do what he did to please himself, but because he felt it personally, deep down with deep concern, when he saw ones lacking faith, viewing it as reproaches that he was responsible for correcting.

Paul continues by pointing out, just as I have been here, that we have examples set before us in the Scriptures, to look to for guidance and direction. Through those things we read in the Scriptures, we gain comfort in our hope for the future that helps us to endure. And through that endurance and comfort, we can acquire the same mental attitude of our Savior, Jesus Christ, being personally cut to see ones lacking faith, because it is through that deep concern that we draw close to such ones and strengthen them so that they might glorify God along with us.

How can we do that? Paul answers: "So welcome one another, just as the Christ also welcomed you." For what purpose? To bring glory to God. Thus, we keep that glory in mind when we welcome those young ones and others lacking faith. It is by our being welcoming to them that they are drawn to God. How can we welcome them? Paul again answers. Our exemplar, Jesus, sought to turn back the hearts of his brothers. In what ways? He strengthened their faith by pointing their attention to how the promises of God had been fulfilled toward them, that he had promised toward Abraham and his descendants, so that the nations could glorify God for the mercy extended to them through sacrifice of the Lamb of God. Thus, with our lips we can warmly welcome and strengthen the faith of those who are weak with deep, warm concern.

Thus, it is we ourselves who must widen out in our affections if we are to protect our brothers. (Romans 12:10; 2 Corinthians 6:11-13) In order for us to provide the hope from God to those weak ones, we ourselves must be filled with joy and peace through our own faith in God, trusting that he is looking out for such ones through us, so that you may "abound in hope", not just for yourself, but to share it with those who are weak. Because when they see the hope you have and how it shines through in the things you both say and do, then it will rightly infect them. This will thus be the power and the spirit of God working by means of you to comfort them by their beholding your faith, hope and endurance. Observe yourself so that you will be a fine example whom they can look to.

I hope I have answered your question or at least provided you with something that will make you more capable in dealing with such ones. [August 11, 2016 at 9:22 pm]

ConcernForYouths wrote [August 22, 2016 at 5:25 pm]:

. . . [That] made good sense! . . . I've read it several times and enjoyed it. I've just been concerned with the young ones in my congregation, so I asked. It's not too late for them until the great tribulation. I've seen them grow and then go, therefore I felt like something could have been done. Only time will tell, thank you.

JW Advisor: Give thanks to Jehovah. I'm glad it helped, ConcernForYouth. Your concern is admirable. Taking some under wing who have no one in their family to look to is a good way to help them. But for those with a strong Christian role model in their family, they do not need us to intervene except in being someone to look to as another fine example and someone they can rely upon and confide in as a loyal friend as to Jehovah.

As for the great tribulation, who is judged will still be up to God and Christ. Though our message changes and false religion gets destroyed, the judgment of the nations will still be yet future. Being part of Jehovah's organization is only the surest way to survive the judgment, and even that is not a certainty. Each person will be judged individually according to the mark on their foreheads by the secretary's inkhorn.

Guest Advisor: That was tied up nicely. If I could add something I read recently and replace the expression, "single parent" with "Brother or Sister" in the December, 1, 2010 WT.

Discerning Their Needs
It may seem that the obvious thing to do is to ask a brother or sister), “How can I help?” Realistically, though, this rarely results in someone’s telling you what his or her real needs are. As noted earlier, Psalm 41:1 recommends “acting with consideration.”

One reference work explains that the Hebrew term used here can mean “the process of thinking through a complex arrangement of thoughts resulting in a wise dealing.”

Therefore, to find out the best way to help, you need to give serious thought to the challenges the single parent faces. Be observant, not just taking a superficial look at the situation.

JiltedByWords: How Can I Get the Brothers to Stop Treating Me as if I Am Bad Association?

The following is a fictionalized hypothetical question summarizing what many of those who turn apostate experience beforehand and what JW Advisor would like to say to ones experiencing this before they make a full transition to apostate. The question is generated, but the response to the question is genuine.

JiltedByWords wrote [August 2, 2016 at 6:31 am]:

The elders and the brothers and sisters in the congregations I have attended have told me I am bad association because I chose to exercise my conscience in ways that should not keep me "marked". I do not practice sin and I attend meetings every week and go out in service when I can. What should I do?

JW Advisor: Unfortunately, this is a question that often does not get careful thought like this by those affected by such circumstances.

Don't Blame the Organization

The knee-jerk reaction of complainers is to automatically assume that the attitudes of our brothers and sisters are purely the fault of the organization. The more brothers and sisters that disappoint us in a congregation, the greater our perception that it is the fault of the organization. But we have to remember that there are many more people in positions of authority in the organization than just the governing body. Thus, when one person in that chain is misusing their authority, everyone below them in that chain is affected. Problems that we perceive to be systemic on the local level, if they are not actually ourselves being critical, negative or bucking authority, would more likely be a result of one or more of the above figures of authority failing, in some capacity, to perform their duties properly.

So the problem could lie with a single elder or even with the entire body of elders in a congregation. It might even be that way in multiple congregations we have attended. Because, while congregations tend to be unique in their flavor, they all face the same problems from time to time. And if it is not the problem of an elder(s), either acting improperly or failing to act, it might be the circuit overseer who is acting improperly or failing to act. However, that is not to say that the problem you are having definitely lies with those in authority at all. It could be any number of causes, some external, but most likely internal. Take it from me: it is not likely our publications or the organization as a whole that are the issue.

Get the Facts

Now, you may know you shouldn't be marked for exercising your conscience as long as it does not lead directly to sin, and have not been disciplined by the elders, yet the congregation is treating you as marked. You need to find out why.

There are simple resolutions to this problem. One is to ask the elders directly if you have been marked. If you have not been marked, then you may ask them for help to get the congregation to stop treating you as marked. It is a legitimate request. They can then give a local needs talk to help ones determine how to show love to those who are not worthy of being marked and give ones assistance to improve their service.

If they say that the problem lies with you, then give their words some careful consideration and be introspective. They may be right. Now, if you have not already been told why they are perceiving you as bad association, ask them specifically what it is that makes you bad association. If it is no more than a conscience matter, then ask them why it is considered serious enough for you to be treated as marked though you have not been marked. You might jog their thinking by asking them what the difference is between avoiding you over this matter and keeping you marked. In fact, the resolution to all problems that lead people into apostasy is the need to ask the right questions.

Ask the Right Question

The plague among our apostates is the same plague found among many people in the world. They are not as deep of thinkers as they like to think they are. In fact, they are usually very shallow thinkers who respond to whims, rather than carefully considering their actions. It is a noble thing to sit and think carefully, not in a knee-jerk reaction to a situation, but to think about who is speaking, and whether they may be mistaken or not according to the information provided in the Bible or our publications.

When I come across someone in the ministry who makes a claim about the Bible or about Jehovah's Witnesses that is patently false, I accept that they are not likely alone in their idea and that they genuinely believe what they are saying, and are simply trying to protect themselves. Without voicing that thought, I politely and sincerely say, "That's an interesting thought. Could you tell me where I can find that in the Bible [or which of our publications]?" (Avoid acting arrogant or pompous.)

Of course, since it is not in the Bible or our publications, they will not be able to tell me where to find it. If they are certain it can be found, though not at that moment, they will no doubt tell me to look it up, to do research on it. And that is exactly what I do. When I find what they are basing their ideas on, I go back to them and address it with them politely, showing them the truth of the matter and what the Bible or our most recent publications on the matter really say, and then they have no recourse but to abandon their idea and accept what I show them from the Bible or our publications on the matter.

So the moment someone in your congregation tells you something that sounds off, try asking: "Can you tell me where to find it in the Bible or in our publications?" If they say they can't think of it off the bat, and ask you to do some research on it, then do the research. If they are mistaken, it is your job to correct them. So if it is not in the Bible, such as the college situation, look it up in the publications to find if it is based on Bible principles. If it cannot be found in the Bible or in the publications, or if you find something in the Bible or publications that contradicts the brother or sister, then show it to them. It is best to find something in the publications, not because the publications trump the Bible, but because the publications trump our personal understanding of the Bible. (I'll cover objections to that claim at another time.)

Branch Out and Develop Your Support System

Sometimes our perception of others avoiding us, is really just us avoiding them. Try reaching out. If they are indeed stand-offish, keep treating them lovingly and respectfully. Say high to them each time you see them. Be interested in them. If they refuse to return your interest, don't take it personally. It may simply be their own failing. But don't stop being nice to them. Show them respect as you would to any other brother or sister and as you would want them to treat you. (Matthew 7:12) Do this as much as you need to with all in the congregation, even if it feels one-sided. Maybe your own persistence may change the attitude of the congregation with time, patience, and most of all, your endurance.

Though, usually, you may find that the congregation warms up to your affections soon enough. Try to focus on befriending those in the congregation who seem to be good association, including elders or elder's wives, and pioneers in the congregation. Seek out those who are fine examples in hospitality and showing brotherly affection. It may start with one person who finds your positive attitude refreshing and attractive. Then another will be drawn to you and another, then another. Whether it takes a few weeks or several years, do not give up. Eventually they may come to see you as a valuable and loved member of the congregation.

We're All Human

The important thing to remember is that Jehovah's Witnesses, as individuals, are all imperfect humans. The same problems you find out in the world, you will find in any congregation. The reason is that we are not perfect. If baptism didn't make you perfect, how can you expect it to make any of them perfect? And it is not that the more brothers and sisters are gathered into one place they somehow become more perfect, but more of their flaws may in fact be visible. So always remember that neither you nor the congregation is perfect, and until the new system, no one will be perfect. So be loving, patient and kind, forgiving errors, just as Jehovah forgives your errors. (Matthew 6:11) This is the key that all of us have to exercise, or else there would be no unity at all. [August 2, 2016 at 8:08 pm]

Guest Advisor: This is a very touchy subject. Each person's experiences and demeanor both affect the way they perceive things. When we are dealing with depression (as I did for 10 years), it is easy to blame everyone else and feel persecuted. One thing that turned me around was noticing that I was the only unhappy one at the Hall. No matter how miserable I wanted others to feel, they were happy, I was not. When I stopped blaming others for my problems, things improved. Now, with over 40 years of service, looking back at the depressed time, I never stopped the ministry and never stopped the meetings. However, I did stop declaring my field service activity and my answers at the Hall were always cutting, biting, angry. I finally turned it around with Jehovah's help. [August 2, 2016 at 2:23 pm]

JW Advisor: Speaking of us all being human, there was a good illustration shared on the August JW Broadcast that helped me appreciate this. Though it was applied primarily to seeing the "bigger picture" as regards the Elders, this can serve well here also: When we zoom in on the illustrations in our magazines, all we can see are the colored spots, or the pixels (imperfections). When we zoom out, we can see the whole picture (or person), instead of just the imperfections. So the point is, we can only appreciate the depth and personality of our brothers and sisters if we "zoom out" and see their entire person, instead of only the imperfections. [August 2, 2016 at 5:15 pm]

ShepherdingNeed: Should I Ask for a Shepherding Call?

ShepherdingNeed wrote [Jul 28, 2016 at 12:44 pm]:

Hello. A little over 4 years ago, my ex-wife committed adultery and left to move in with her affair partner. At the time, our daughter was 11 and as you can imagine, it was a very painful time for both of us. At this time, my ex sees her daughter once a week, generally.

Over the past 4 years, there have been a few in our congregation who have been supportive, including two elders with whom I'm close friends, and 2 or 3 sisters have been very loving toward my daughter.

What I'm struggling with is that during the past 4 years we haven't had a shepherding call, including when the CO visits. And no  Elder has ever brought up the subject of her mother with my daughter (would of course have to be at the Hall or with me present).

I really feel a bit ridiculous asking for she and I to have an official shepherding call since it seems like a situation that obviously calls for it in my mind. I don't know that she would open up, but it would be nice for her to have the opportunity. In addition, while our meeting attendance is good, we struggle getting out in the ministry and I haven't accepted any responsibilities although they have offered them to me. So we're not really doing what we should be, another red flag that things aren't quite right.

I respect your insights and would greatly enjoy hearing your thoughts. If my thinking is off, please let me know. Thank you so much, and great background picture.

JW Advisor: Thank you for your honesty, brother.

The thing is that the elders only perform shepherding calls when they are aware of a problem. Thus, they may not actually be aware of any systemic problem with you. The fact that they offered responsibilities to you suggests that they view you as a spiritually mature brother, which is good. But as you noticed, that perception can tend to leave you without the help you need. So sometimes we simply have to bite the bullet and ask for the help we need.

So, brother, what I want you to do is approach the brothers and ask them for the shepherding call. Let them know what your needs are. Also, choose an elder to be your mentor, someone you feel you can draw close to. When you do that, you will feel more comfortable sharing your concerns with him and he can also be more attuned to your spiritual needs.

The thing is that the elders are humans and they have a limited amount of attention span to spare. As such, sometimes someone can fall through the cracks. We can be glad, though, that we have many elders in most congregations, instead of just one or two and that ministerial servants can assist in elder roles when needed. So there are usually plenty of elders and proxy elders available to assist us, even if we have to ask for the assistance sometimes.

The elders in a healthy congregation truly love everyone in the flock. The elders in my congregation do, and certainly the elder whom I currently call my mentor.

The most important thing we can do for ourselves is to develop a support system, which responsibility belongs to each one of us to do for ourselves. The support system does not simply make itself. So build a support system. Obviously, you have an apartment or home, so why not ask friends over from the congregation from time to time. Look for elder ones that you and your daughter can help. Make play dates for your daughter with others in the congregation. If she is in her teens, then encourage her to branch out to other young sisters in the congregation who are good examples, maybe even suggest a spiritually mature sister for her to view as a mentor. We all need a strong support system, and we can certainly have such a system with the loving brothers and sisters in the congregation. Just thinking about it makes my heart swell to bursting. But they may not really know your needs if you do not step forward and tell someone.

The thing is, you are not a sheep who has wandered from the flock, so that is why they have not given you the attention you may need. But instead of drawing away from the flock to get that attention, draw near to the flock and make friends with our brothers and sisters. This is the gift Jehovah has provided us in the congregation. By drawing closer to our brothers and sisters, praying for them, asking for their help, getting to know them, we draw closer to God because Jehovah want's us to draw close to them and be a family.

I have not bothered to provide scriptures here, because this is straight out of my heart in love and appreciation for your plight. God's word tells us to love our brothers and sisters, and sometimes we show that love by depending upon them and opening up to them about our own needs so that they have an opportunity to broaden out and sacrifice for us. In that way we encourage them to get benefit by becoming more than what they already are. Of course, we do not want to do that all the time, nor turn it into a dynamic, but we need to be mature enough to recognize when we are surrounded by those who love us and want to help.

And thank you for this opportunity to express my love for the brothers and sisters in our organization. They truly do make me happy, and you sharing your concern has made me very happy to be able to help you and give full vindication for my having started this site. Thank you, brother. [July 28, 2016 at 7:02 pm]

ShepherdingNeed wrote [July29, 2016 at 6:17 am]:

Hi. . . . Thanks so much for the thoughtful response, you brought up some points that hadn't occurred to me. I'll definitely be approaching the elders and requesting a shepherding call for myself and my daughter. Thanks again.

JW Advisor: We're glad to help. Thanks for sharing it with us, brother. Take care. [July 29, 2016 at 7:04 am]