I agree [with your JWs Understood video] that shunning is not unique to Jehovah's Witnesses and that [it] is rather common and most people have shunned someone in their lives. I also agree that not all shunning need be destructive and can in fact have a pro-social function. Furthermore, I agree that every individual has the right to shun those who make them uncomfortable in any way; in fact, I would go even further than you and say that they have a right to shun for any reason, even if the reason is one that most would consider bigoted or irrational (such as shunning someone because of their race or nationality).
Just to be clear: I do not meet either your own or the Society's definition of an apostate. I was raised a Jehovah's Witness, but I was never baptized and it is not my intention to convince anyone to disavow their religious beliefs.
With that out of the way I want to ask about something you didn't seem to address in your video.
My question is this: what if [] the person being shunned was not a baptized JW when they committed the shun-worthy offense? Should an unbaptized publisher be held up to the same standards as a baptized one and shunned if they fall short? And what if the offense in question was nothing more than openly disagreeing with some of the Watchtower Society's teachings - not embarking on a campaign to persuade others to leave the organization and not disagreeing in a hateful or obnoxious manner - but simply expressing a dissenting opinion? Do JWs have an obligation to shun such a one? Note that I am not asking whether an individual JW can privately choose to shun such a disbeliever; what I want to know is if shunning those who respectfully disagree with some of the Society's teachings - yet who are not actively trying to convince anyone to abandon those beliefs - is mandatory or is it a matter for an individual's conscience? Would a JW be disfellowshipped or even disciplined for continuing to associate with such a one?
In asking these questions be assured that I am not trying to trap you or spark a debate. I really do just want a straight answer. As I said before, I was raised a JW but I was not disfellowshipped nor did I send in a letter of disassociation. I was an unbaptized publisher who, after much Bible study, decided I disagreed with some of the Watchtower Society's doctrines. Initially, the only ones who were aware of my heretical ideas were my friends and my mother; but then my mother reported me to the elders. I was also accused, by my mother, of trafficking with demons and practicing witchcraft - charges I pleaded innocent to. In any case I did not commit fornication or steal or take recreational drugs; I only expressed disagreement and now I am being shunned by people I've known since childhood - those who are like family to me. I have not rejected them or Jehovah's Witnesses as a whole, but they seem to have rejected me. I need to know if they are shunning me to express personal disapproval or just doing what they must to avoid being shunned themselves? I would like ask them, but since they will not talk to me, I am asking you.
I realize that you are not a member of the governing body, so I'm not asking for your opinion. But you do seem to be well-informed and, since my situation is not unique, I'm fairly certain the Watchtower Society does have a policy that would apply to a case like mine.
JW Advisor: We appreciate your coming to us. We are glad to be able to address this for you.
First, to “openly disagreeing” to those in the congregation, especially while a meeting is in progress is very serious. We do not do it to those of other religions, and we do not need such dissension being infused into our membership. We believe it to be the very highest responsibility to keep the congregation clean of dissension so that the congregation may not be found divided. (1 Corinthians 1:10) If a person does not agree with us, they are free to worship elsewhere. That said, I would assume that you have not sought to spread your contrary ideas to others, but only expressed them to your personal Bible teacher, which is your mother, correct? That said, we have the freedom to address your post publicly for the very reason that such is not restricted and nothing in your message is overtly objectionable. As long as you do not seek to sow dissent by spreading your ideas in the congregation, then the following applies.
According to our literature, shunning is not required toward an unbaptized person whose beliefs diverge from ours. The only restriction on that person is that they not be allowed to participate in the ministry. As long as they do not state contrary beliefs in the meeting, their comments should not be restricted.
It may be that your mother and perhaps the elders could stand to receive a refresher on this subject. I recommend that you ask them to review the subject in our publications. Do not tell them what the publications say. Just ask them to review the subject of disfellowshipping in the Publications Index in regard to unbaptized publishers. Then give them a couple of weeks to do so. If they still have not, direct them to the November 15, 1988 Watchtower, pp. 18, 19, pars. 16-19. There they will find these statements:
“Occasionally, an unbaptized publisher who is a wrongdoer will not respond to loving assistance. Or an unbaptized publisher may determine that he does not want to continue progressing toward baptism, and he informs the elders that he does not want to be recognized as a publisher. What is to be done? Disfellowshipping action is not taken regarding such ones who actually have not become approved by God. The arrangement of disfellowshipping unrepentant wrongdoers applies to those ‘called brothers,’ to baptized ones. (1 Corinthians 5:11) Does this mean, though, that the wrongdoing is ignored? No.
“The elders are responsible to ‘shepherd the flock of God in their care.’ (1 Peter 5:2) If two elders offering help determine that an unbaptized wrongdoer is unrepentant and unqualified to be a publisher, they will inform the individual.* [* If the individual is dissatisfied with this conclusion, he may request (within seven days) to have the matter reviewed.] Or if some unbaptized one tells the elders that he no longer wishes to be recognized as a publisher, they will accept his decision. In either case, it is appropriate for the Congregation Service Committee to have a simple announcement made at an appropriate time, saying ‘ . . . is no longer a publisher of the good news.’
“How will Witnesses thereafter view the person? Well, at an earlier point he was an ‘unbeliever’ attending meetings. Then he both wanted to be and qualified to be a publisher of the good news. This is no longer the case, so he again is a person of the world. The Bible does not require that Witnesses avoid speaking with him, for he is not disfellowshipped.* [* Previously, unbaptized ones who unrepentantly sinned were completely avoided. While, as adjusted above, this is not required, the counsel at 1 Corinthians 15:33 should still be observed.] Still, Christians will exercise caution with regard to such a person of the world who is not worshiping Jehovah, even as Israelites did regarding uncircumcised alien settlers. This caution helps to protect the congregation from any “little leaven,” or corrupting element. (1 Corinthians 5:6) If at some later time he expresses a genuine desire for a Bible study to be held with him, and this seems in order to the elders, perhaps it will help him come to appreciate again what a privilege it is to worship Jehovah with His people.—Psalm 100.
“If the elders see that a certain person of this sort is an unusual threat to the flock, they can privately warn those endangered. For example, the former publisher may be a youth who has given in to drunkenness or immorality. Despite the announcement that he is no longer an unbaptized publisher, he might attempt to socialize with youths in the congregation. In that situation, the elders would speak privately to the parents of the endangered ones, and maybe to those youths also. (Hebrews 12:15, 16; Acts 20:28-30)”
This information is also treated in brief in the book Organized to Do Jehovah’s Will, pp. 144, 145.
As you can see (and so will they), members are only being asked to exercise caution. But it is also necessary for you yourself to remember that each person will exercise this counsel according to their own conscience. Do not hold it against them if, even after being informed of these clarifications, they continue to choose to avoid you. “But let each one examine his own actions, and then he will have cause for rejoicing in regard to himself alone, and not in comparison with the other person for each one will carry his own load.” (Gal 6:,4 5)
If you are below the age of emancipation and under your mother’s care, or of age but required to come to meetings while under your mother’s roof (Which some require), then simply endure it for now. As for your mother, she may not have the tools necessary to treat you more lovingly, but not because she doesn’t love you, but simply doesn’t know better.
For some, it takes many years in the truth to learn how to respond appropriately, and for a few, they might not learn at all through their time in the truth because they never learned to apply it in their heart. The same situation existed in the first century congregation. Personally, it took me around 18 years in the truth before I learned how to be loving, and even then it has been a gradual improvement. Each one of us is different with different limitations. So don’t hold it against them. Also, each congregation has its own personality and things to work on.
Another avenue, if the situation were to persist unaddressed by the elders after you bring the matter to them and give two to three months to resolve the situation while requesting updates, is to address the issue with that congregation’s circuit overseer, the traveling representative who visits from time to time.
The reason it can take a while is that it takes time for the elders to discuss the matter in elders meetings, decide on a course of action and schedule appropriate talks, if necessary. This may seem like a long time to endure such a situation, but once behind you, and some time has passed, it will seem a simple trifle, especially if you endure it prayerfully and do not preoccupy your mind with it, but leave it in Jehovah’s hands. As long as you do these things exactly as we are recommending, and you are patient, you will find that the situation will resolve satisfactorily.
If you would be amenable to it, I would be glad to address some of your differences of opinion and see if I can help you understand the subjects better. You may contact us by email using the contact form on the sidebar to the right.
We hope this helps your situation. As a whole, Jehovah’s Witnesses do not, and should not want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. Even with disfellowshipped ones, it is not our goal to make the situation more uncomfortable than what the Scriptures require. In all things, even shunning, love should be our goal.
